loneliness

I am alone with 4 kids.  This is sort of depressing.  I am here though and it must be my fault.  I have a few friends, actually quite a few, but outside my circle of very close friends, I am alone.  I crave someone to call my own. I crave to have several friends, sort of like family friends, where my children would be included.  Right now my friends are my friends and they dont have kiddos that are young anymore.  So my kids essentially do not know what it is like to have family get togethers.  I know I need to take the time to do this and make friends, but I dont have the time.  So for now, I need to go back on my very expensive medication and be content.  I was doing so well, i thought I could go off my antidepressant medication.  I was never really depressed, I was more overwhelmed,angry....but know i am depressed...i want to sleep all my free time away.  My poor 4 children.  I feel like I am ruining them..  well this is a depressing entry...yuck... i better just keep my life private.  pretend that we are doing great....works for me.....