Yes, my nerves are shot. Skyler had a darling friend over for the night and my kids were out of control. They were fighting, screaming, obnoxious and the list goes on. I couldnt very well add to the chaos, so I remained controlled. I wanted to yank each and every one of them. It will take me a very long time to allow them to have a friend overnight again. They just do not know how to act. AND I may add that I am not exagerating because the little boy wanted to go home....and he did. However I am angry with them. They acted like brats. Each one lost his mind and manners. They never sit still for a moment. Hence, chaos.
In addition to the new friend, we had neighbors here. I love my neighbors, but I am tired of entertaining them constantly. I am tired of all the technology and how that is the only way they know how to interact. Kellen the cute little boy, wanted to play outside.... go figure my kiddos only wanted to play with technology. So now the summer is over and we have wasted it. This is partly my fault because I have been so busy that it is easier for me to allow them to quietly sit in front of this annoying technology.
Dear Lord,
Help me in all this... I will try to do my part,,,, but lord, this part of the fruit of the spirit,,,, self control is very tough on my right now. I have so many blessings.... sooooo many. thank you for reminding me. I also confess that i had an episode of jealousy today, which is something I would rather not experience. Lord help me to be an overcomer in that area also. You know that it wasnt exactly that I was coveting, mine problem is that I am lonely and i crave relationships more than anything. especially ones that are centered around YOU. I do not have many of those relationships. I always excuse it as people are judging me and what Christian wants to hang out with a dysfunctional Christian woman who has very little to offer. I am viewed as exhausting.
A friend shared with to me today that she was having lunch with someone from my church and when she mentioned me, this sister in Faith, had a less than desireable look. My friend, I guess stuck up for me, telling her that i have the kindest heart she knows. Lord did she really. Do I have a kind heart. Jesus are you listening to me now? I know I should open your word and see what you want me to know. I am exhausted.... but I will and Hopefully I will talk to you tomorrow. I better go because this technology isnt doing very well for me tonight. I love you and am so thankful that you are listing to me. I will check your word before I go to bed. Good night, give me sweet thougths and a forgiving nature. So many I should add to this prayer.... i will... friend with schizophrenia, mother who is hospital, friend who left her husband, my kids, my ex, my parents... oh the lady that ask me to pray for her dad and that he would come to you before he dies....especially him. I know there are more, i just cant think right now. hugs... please say hi to crystal...go up and hug her and tell her that I am thinking of her... and the other little children.... oh i wish i could feel that....
amen
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